Testimony: A rape victim tells her story.
1st December: A Malagasy woman, a rape survivor, agreed to share her detailed story but insisted to remain anonymous.
Could you describe the scene?
I had a blurry memory of what really happened at that time, but what I could tell you is that I was sexually mugged by three different men when I was aged between 10 and 13. The first scene occurred while I was taking a nap with my sisters. The rapist thought I was asleep when he pulled my panties down. When he was done, he wiped me with a piece of cloth. I am unsure whether there was penetration or not, but I can testify it always happened during our nap time. The second harasser was one of our neighbors who was supposed to keep us. The man took me with him outside to watch a kind of video – or I don’t remember what exactly – at 67Ha. When we were inside, he took my hand and brought it into his pants, veiled by his jacket and started to masturbate. The last one was only an acquaintance; but this time I was able to defend myself.
What was your family’s reaction when they heard that you were raped or abused?
I did not have the real occasion or maybe the courage to talk with my family, especially with my mother, as she is a bit mentally feeble. Instead, I reached out to some of my close friends, and surprisingly, most of them testified that they have also been abused at a certain point of their lives. There were at least ten of my surroundings that included my aunt. It is even more frustrating when I discovered that I was not the only rape victims. I always used to thinking I was an isolated case.
I have recently learned that my sister was sexually assaulted as well. She maintained that there was penetration, not only fondling or sexual touching. I convinced her to consult a psychologist with me and undergo a group therapy.
How have those events affected your life?
Being raped adversely affected my life and how I now see things, both personally and in terms of relationships. I have indeed become paranoid and suspicious, especially when I am with a man. People easily notice it through my attitude. Back to 2013, my boyfriend brought up the subject and asked me if I had ever been raped or abused in the past. I remained in denial until I admitted it in 2015, and then realized that from that time on, I had to do something to make a change.
Regarding my relationship life, I cannot stay with a man for more than four days. My fear of staying long with someone creates a problem in my couple after a while; which I suppose is completely normal. I cannot even satisfy my partner’s needs nor can I make a normal commitment. In addition, I tend to seek more security from a man to feel protected than love and affection, which may also explain that I always date someone for the wrong reasons. The worst consequence of being raped is my fear of having a daughter someday. I would prefer to have boys.
You explained that your perception of things radically changed. How do you now see men?
I always keep saying that goodness and cruelty can co-exist. We, women, have to be wary of men since we live in a world where people no longer set limits. About 90 percent of sexual predators do not even realize what they do is malevolent and that they are capable of the worst.
I think Malagasy parents are not aware of the dangers of sexual predators. As in the case of my very conservative mother who educated us the way she was so, far from realizing that by limiting us to the outside world she unknowingly invited predators into the house.
What is your standpoint when you hear people blaming rape victims, arguing that men rape because of women’s inappropriate behavior or provocative clothes?
The way women are dressed has nothing to do with being raped or sexually perpetrated. Note that there are kids and nuns who get raped. Unfortunately, we live in a patriarchal society which constantly blames women. Today, we have to accept that rape is not women’s fault at all. Do not blame their attire.
I am enormously saddened by the way victims are repeatedly discounted and lynched. Seeing people’s comments on social media and how they denigrate victims give me rabies. We give the podium to minorities who do not know anything at all. Therefore, by seeing what people say, victims can no longer defend themselves.
As a victim, what measures would you aspire to propose or incite the government and society to adopt so as to stop this scourge?
The question is very relevant. First I do not like the use of the word “victim”. We need to find another way of calling it, a word with less pejorative connotations. I think the victims are just part of the iceberg – the tip of the iceberg – but the darkest part belongs to the rapists. Up until today, people focus more on the victims, rather than on the predators’ case.
To me, it is way more interesting to understand the reasons why rapists do what they do. Let us grasp the process of rape from its start to its end, with focus on the profile of rapists. We never know if ever they had also formerly been assaulted. I think it is very interesting to draw on that.
It is also necessary to talk about the issue whether it is at home or at school. The taboo must be broken because keeping it hidden or secret is unwholesome.
What encouraging and inspiring message would you convey to all young girls and women who have already suffered sexual violence, and those who have not?
Girls, I invite you to speak. Speak for yourselves, for others, because somehow we are all concerned. As I said earlier, there are at least ten people who suffered sexual violence in my surroundings, and statistically speaking, that is quite too much. So, talk, speak out. It could be you, your daughter, your mother, your aunt or someone around you. I know it is not easy to break the silence, especially when it comes to dealing with topics that have been so long seen as taboo in Madagascar. However, we have to stick together and empower ourselves to make a difference and for our words to really have a great impact on our society.